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QUESTION
In the first part of the book, there is focus placed on three key areas, that can really be summed up by avoiding outward criticism/condemnation/complaining, affirming the good in others, and connecting to core desires. We identified some common themes resulting from our discussion on part one. With each of these themes however, I would like you to pay attention to one overarching connection, and that is the connection of each of the themes to our core values and how our core values are violated as a result of these themes:
The “good” is often not affirmed, because it assumed
Sometimes people don’t want to be good to, or help other people be successful, because it creates competition
Many people think their opinion should be valued, and as such, the opinion is deemed as “right,” creating a lot of confusion
Social media lets us be more blunt with how we might speak, but also allows us to hide behind our words and our screens. It also creates a reactive environment, where people tend to react without having facts first
Criticism can be used as a tool to help people grow, but it is difficult to strike the right balance so as to not offend
“I” statements, and monologue-type behavior are generally off-putting, but we are all acutely aware (at least in this class) of our own personal usage and how that influences us on a day-to-day basis
Part 2 of HTWF highlights the six ways to make a lasting impression by doing the following:
Taking interest in others’ interests
Smile
Reign with names
Listen longer
Discuss what matters
Leave others a little better
Discussion Assignment:
There are six themes (above) that we extracted from our first discussion. Please address each theme in the context of the “six ways to make a first impression” presented in Part 2 of HTWF by answering the following questions. Some questions have multiple questions that should be addressed. Please feel free to exercise the same creativity and insight drawing from your own personal experiences in addition to the readings to construct your responses.
If the good in people isn’t affirmed, but rather assumed, how might we improve communication by starting to affirm the good that people do? (use examples from Part 2 to support your position).
Some people really don’t want to elevate others to a level of success because they feel that it is hurting their chances for success and creates competition. The sixth chapter, “Leave Things a Little Better,” addresses some of this. How would you approach applying this in your own life and how do you think leaving things a little better would improve the quality of life for everyone?
Using examples from Part 2, how would you make someone’s opinion feel valued even if you don’t agree with their stance? Short from wanting to punch someone in the face (violence is NEVER the answer!), how can you use those techniques to manage your own emotions when you feel you are dealing with someone who steadfastly believes their opinion is the only one that matters?
Criticism has become a “dirty word” in our general vocabulary (again, as a result of our changing norms of our society, that we must not offend, we must value, and we shouldn’t criticize because everyone is important). How might you use the suggestions in Part 2 to help you personally deal with criticism that is directed toward you? How might you anticipate the techniques improving how you might approach directing criticism at someone else?
What techniques can you use to ensure you are properly balanced between “I” statements (monologue communication), and achieving proper messaging to those you communicate with? Keep in mind, there’s nothing wrong with “I” statements, unless they clog the flow of the communication.
In what ways are core values violated in the themes identified from Part 1’s discussion? How can the techniques presented in Part 2 bring us closer to our core values in the ways we choose to communicate? Why might this be difficult for a lot of people?
ANSWER
Influencing and winning friends
Influencing and winning others.
Acknowledging people’s work in addition to addressing the individuals using their names makes them feel appreciated. A ‘thank you’, giving back positive feedback and taking an interest in what another person says or does makes a person feel wanted and seen. This improves communication and consequently a sense of belonging. A healthy competition emphasizes uprightness and fairness by elevating others and encouraging teamwork. A person will want to succeed and additionally obtain joy in seeing other people succeed as well. Smiling encourages approachability, thus the easy exchange of ideas towards a common goal. When we help others, we leave them a little better than they were.
When faced with indecisive opinions, the idea is to discuss the matter wholly, listen closely to the other person, and not immediately assume that they are wrong. Try to understand their way of thinking and why they think as they do. This encourages an effective flow of information and as a result a conclusive understanding. Positive criticism improves a person, therefore listening will be of significance. A person should be able to turn the negative criticism to positive by thanking them for the critic, learning from it, and striving to change and becoming a better individual. Welcoming new ideas, encouraging teamwork, and being supportive of other people’s opinions correctly balances communication among people.
Core values were violated by negative criticism, being insensitive, and not paying attention to others. By being open-minded to new ideas and criticism, listening and appreciating others, and encouraging teamwork effective communication will be achieved. This however might be rendered difficult considering that people are different and are susceptible to change.
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